I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
