Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize