my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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