i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
