just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
