what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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