He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
