is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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