How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
