I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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