i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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