You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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