Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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