and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize