He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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