I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
nutella sex= disaster
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
