I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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