Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
this hospital has no fireball
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
