that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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