what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
