Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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