i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
