Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
