Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
