I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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