just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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