I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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