can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
