I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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