he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
