Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
