umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize