like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
two words...techno handjob
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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