So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
