you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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