life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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