I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
