its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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