if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
