i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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