Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
