You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
