we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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