ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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