I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
