you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my being single is dangerous.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize