omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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