They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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