Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
