the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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