hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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