fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
