Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
