if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
