I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
