So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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