I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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