My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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