remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
