Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
