dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i out mim tonsoeep
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