You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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