i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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