feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
