i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize