the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
