Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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