Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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