I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
