Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
