Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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