I met the friendliest cop last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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