Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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