I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
