At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
