dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
