i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
